Today it was at 6:18 AM.
My morning started at 6:18 AM. No triggers, no annoying alarm clock, no noise pollution from outside, it was all natural. And I still dreaded it. The first thought that came to my mind when I realized I am awake was NO! But at the same time I was also secretly congratulating the self for being such an obedient student.
Waking up early is not easy, I realized, especially when I am still totally at a loss on what to do. I got used to scrambling out of bed and hitting the shower just to make it in time for my self-declared office hours. No extra time to think if I will have coffee, tea or hot chocolate. No time to wonder if I will turn on the TV to watch the news or get my Kindle and read a few pages. My schedule in the morning was very straightforward. Get out of bed, take a shower then go!
Now, with this extra time, I am twiddling my thumb.
I decided to laze around the bed for an extra 45 minutes (I can afford it!). And no, I am not cheating, I am awake! I was trying to make sense of this new schedule that I am putting myself into. I can actually just go back to my original schedule until inspiration strikes and gives me a definite plan with my morning. But I know that’s stupid. And honestly, even if I don’t want to admit it, I am kind of enjoying the quietness and slowness of my morning (though it has only been two days). It is stressful to think of what to do but at the same time exciting that after I get all this figured out, I will have more time to do something productive.
I was trying to avoid technology the first few minutes I got out of the bed except for checking my phones which is actually more out of a necessity than a mindless habit. It’s work. I have to be updated on what happened to the workplace while I was sleeping (and of course to also check if *he* left messages while I was sleeping *swoons*).
I saw the lappy. I said no. I want to be mindful of my morning and not spoil it with the worldwide web. As I was waiting for the water to boil for my tea, I opened the window and sat down on my bed. Gad, it is difficult. What to do? The mind cannot relax. I know meditation is the only answer and I have been trying but the mind is still all over the place.
I gave up. I opened the lappy and started typing on a blank page. Thank gad my internet here is as slow as a turtle most of the time that it is better to quit trying to be connected than be frustrated or else I will just be mindlessly surfing giving myself an unhealthy dose of information overload.
As of the moment, this is the only sensible thing I can think of for my morning, write.
And it is actually not a bad idea.
I may not be looking forward to early mornings for the next couple of days or weeks or months but I know somehow I will be producing something tangible and worthwhile (for the self) than just beating myself on why I did get out of that lovely, warm bed.