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It’s 11:03 PM and I should be sleeping. Or maybe not.

I just had dinner with the usual suspects plus two more. I and another colleague excused ourselves after two hours of chit chatting. Tomorrow is another day. We need to rest.

But then I was lured to check some of my SNS and check out updates aka gossips.

I realized I haven’t blogged much. A lot of entries are running into my head actually but I never got the chance to really sit with it.

Ok. So maybe I will do a couple tonight before I hit the bed.

New Year!

Where has the new year gone? I never even got the chance to really have a one on one with 2012 and say how thankful and grateful I am for the year. I never even got the chance to recount the things that the year has brought me. I never even got the chance to formally say goodbye.

And then here comes

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Celebrating New Year here in Indonesia was way way bearable than celebrating Christmas. Everybody was just in a festive mood and was so busy running here and there to make sure that everything is set accordingly. I fooled myself not to think about home.

I danced the year away.

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I remember I have to rush back after dinner of the 31st to my room to change and attempt to do all those rituals that I have been doing the past sane years of my life. Wear something polka dots, place money in my pockets, jump when the clock strikes 12.

I did not manage to do a single thing. The only polka dots I have in my wardrobe is a pair of socks I bought in one grocery store in Sydney. I slipped them on up until I decided to kick them out. They don’t feel right. I decided to wear jeans so I can put all my noisy coins in my pocket which will bring me good luck and more money for the new year as what somebody made me believe when I was young but then I decided that I will go with tights. When the clock struck twelve I was so mesmerized with the fireworks which ran for about 15 minutes that I forgot to jump and was too late when I realized what I have done.

It was an interesting new year. I was far away from people who matters. I was actually alone.

I was surrounded by a lot of people but I know I was alone.

People were hugging and kissing and I just smilingly watched them and wished them well. Afterwards I tried to peel people away from each other so I can hug and kiss them individually and wish them a great year.

It was the first time that I had this kind of New Year.

I remember I also celebrated a new year away from home before. I was living in Turkey then and the way they celebrate the day is unimaginable for an Asian like me. It was so quiet. We were in the living room watching TV waiting for the clock to strike 12. And then when the old year was gone, we stood up and gave each other a kiss and a hug and then off we went to bed. It was simple and intimate yet very lovely.

As I quietly slipped away from the well-wishers as they relish the last few seconds of the fireworks and started my walk back to the party, I felt like I was floating. Here I am in a country where I don’t really know anybody, celebrating a festive holiday meant to be shared with family and loved ones yet here I am feeling like it was the most normal thing in the world.

I was ok.

And then it hit me.

I was sitting with some colleagues earlier that day when the discussion veered towards me. They were asking if it is ok with my parents that I am here and they are there today. That question did not deserve an answer. I just gave a weak smile.

And then he said the words.

You are a very brave girl. 

Yeah, I think that’s it. There was a lightness in me that midnight. I have made myself proud.

The me walking back to the party ready to dance the night away alone, have fun, drink and laugh with total strangers ready to face the new year with everything it has prepared for me is indeed one very brave girl.

2012 and the other years which passed have made me into this.

Yes 2013, I am ready. Bring it on.

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