Of Sad Songs and Broken Hearts

7:00 PM
I was in the lounge waiting for the car that will bring me to the resto for dinner.
I have a netbook with me as I was trying to finish some emails.
My favorite Indonesian song was playing through Youtube in the background.
I started humming, singing.
The receptionist came over and asked me if I love Indonesian songs.
I said I am not sure but the one playing I really like.
He asked me if I understand what the song meant.
I said no.
He laughed.
He said it is a very sad song. A very sad story.
The car still has not arrived so I told him I have time.
Can he please tell me what it means?
And so he obliged.

The guy found out that the girl he loves is in love with another man.
He is asking the girl to choose. She cannot have both.
Whoever she chooses, he will accept.
But he told the girl to not feel pain.
Because if she hurts, the more that he does.

And the receptionist continued by telling me his love story.
Despite the broken English I felt his pain.
They were together for 3 years. College sweethearts.
Up until the girl broke up with him for another man.
Very similar to the song.
That’s why he hates it.
I asked him if he still hurts.
He said not anymore.
But the pauses while he tells the story and the tears that gathered around his eyes proved otherwise.
He said when I love, I love wholly, fully. I give my all.
So he cannot imagine how that happened to him.
He said everything seemed perfect.
But it turned out it was not.
I asked him how long it took him to move on.
Two years.
He is with a new girlfriend now.
I asked him if he liked other girls during the time of grieving.
He said no, he didn’t. He cannot.
He was so scared that it will happen again.
I painted a scenario. What if the girl comes back?
He said no, he doesn’t want.
I asked why. I thought you love her so much.
I do, he said. But she broke my heart. You know the heart is a very fragile thing.
I love her but she broke my heart.
I said what if she made a mistake, that it is really you that she likes.
He said no. I have one principle I follow in life.
I only love a person once. And she can only break my heart once.
He said when I love, I love fully.
But when my heart gets broken, it also gets broken fully.
It hurts so much, he said. I was crying for too long.
The heart can’t take it anymore.
It’s too painful.

My tears fell.
Not only for him but for me as well.
And then the car came.


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