I was grocery shopping with my Mom earlier when I received a message from a friend who is having “one of those days”.
Reading her thoughts and analysis about what she went through and what she is still going through made me realize the universality of human emotions. She shared with me one of the letters she wrote to help her move on.
So let me get more personal here as I share a snippet of her message to me and the letter that I was able to strongly identify with.
Maybe you will, too.
“The reason I’m writing this to you is only because I realized how it makes me strong today!!! Getting over some pain, putting the pieces of your heart together again don’t make the wound disappear…it just makes you stronger!! Cause we can’t tell when something like this will happen again…it might hurt even worse than it did the first time – but then you suddenly realize that you survived the first time…and you can do it again!!! Just that, tatlim…just needed to share that… Cause I know you might need to be reminded of some strength you may not even know you have :)))”
“I really fell in love with you.
I love the way you can tell all the details of what happened the night we met.
I love the way I feel extremely good when you hold me or when we have an amazing night and sleep together and I wake up feeling you so close, so warm, so strong.
I love talking to you about life and future plans.
I love the way you say I’ll be a good mom.
I love everything.
But, as I said, it might be all just in my head.
I think our relationship ended a long time ago. We just continued talking or seeing each other “by chance” because we had no courage to say anything to finish it.
I thought you were stronger. In as much as I admire you, I will be honest when I say that I think you are weak. You were weak about what we had.
You disappeared the moment when I needed you the most. And you knew that.
You thought we were going too fast and instead of telling that to my face, you just ran away. You left me alone with no word, no sign, nothing.
You just left me waiting.
I believe that since then, things were never and will never be the same again. But we were scared of saying it. You were afraid to like me and I was afraid of losing you – even though I already knew that I’ve lost you a long time ago.
Or maybe you were never and have never been really mine, my dear.
Loving you was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Being with you taught me a lot about love, about care, about what I am capable to do when I really like someone. And all this, even after hearing you say that what we have is “not a serious relationship”.
It is for me.
I was still hoping that you could at least realize that, and be more careful about what I feel, as you used to be.
I tried really hard. I was pushing hard trying to have again something that does not exist anymore. But you seem to have no time or love or anything for me now.
I have decided to live the most of my last days here in Turkey and letting you go might be the best I can do for myself now.
You might have no idea how strong I have to be to do this, but I’m sure that in as much as I cry, in as much as it hurts now or in as much as it might hurt even more in the next days, I know deep in my heart that this is the best thing to do right now. Eventually, everything goes away. So will this pain and all my thoughts that still insist in being with you.
Everything will be ok – and I’m now saying this for myself…
Love you, dear…take care! Beijos.”
Thank you for the realization and the sharing, tatlim. Sending you all my positive thoughts to your side of the world. 🙂